quotations from The Simpsons
Wow, this place is completely alien, but everything's in English, just like Canada!
HOMER
"The Man Who Came to Be Dinner", The Simpsons
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.
HOMER
"Bart Gets an Elephant", The Simpsons
I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode. I think it was called ... The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.
HOMER
The Simpsons
Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the weasel.
HOMER
"Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood", The Simpsons
It's in Hell, the Inferno, Perdition, Arizona without the golf.
HOMER
"Treehouse of Horror XXV", The Simpsons
This plant violates every labor law in the book! We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
DEPARTMENT OF LABOR AGENT
"The Last Temptation of Homer", The Simpsons
I don't want to be rude, but you losers should go suck somewhere else.
HOMER
"Halloween of Horror", The Simpsons
Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
HOMER
The Simpsons
America's health care system is second only to Japan ... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain ... well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay.
HOMER
The Simpsons
Thank you, magical creatures of the mall! You have all taught me a Christmas message I'll never forget. The place to get drunk is at home.
HOMER
"I Won't Be Home for Christmas", The Simpsons
If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.
HOMER
The Simpsons
I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats.
HOMER
The Simpsons
And I'm not easily impressed -- WOW, A BLUE CAR!
HOMER
The Simpsons
You know, Marge, that Bart is a little miracle -- his winning smile, his button nose, his fat little stomach, his face alight with wholesome mischief. He reminds me of me before the weight of the world crushed my spirit.
HOMER
"Saturdays of Thunder", The Simpsons
They say you catch more flies with honey, I say with fly traps.
MR. BURNS
"My Fare Lady", The Simpsons
I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt ... I can't compete with that stuff.
MOE
"Team Homer", The Simpsons
Hi! I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'
TROY MCCLURE
"Bart's Inner Child", The Simpsons
Sorry mom, the mob has spoken.
BART
"Marge vs. the Monorail", The Simpsons
Marge, just about everything is a sin. [holds up a Bible] You ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.
REVEREND LOVEJOY
"Secrets of a Successful Marriage", The Simpsons
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures. Well, good night, everybody! Peace, man.
BART
"Bart the General", The Simpsons