American comedian (1894-1956)
A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
FRED ALLEN
Fred Allen's Letters
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, The Concise Columbia Dictionary of Quotations
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, Make 'Em Laugh: The Funny Business of America
Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
FRED ALLEN
Fred Allen's Letters
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
FRED ALLEN
attributed, New York Magazine, Mar. 21, 1994