American cartoonist (1957- )
The core belief that drives terrorism is the notion of a "holy place," along with the idea that some people belong there and other people don't. That's why the only solution to terrorism is for religious scholars to hold a global summit to agree on the definition of "holy place." Once they agree on a definition, it will be easier to mock it into submission.
SCOTT ADAMS
Dilbert Newsletter #58
A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
SCOTT ADAMS
Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!
There's no such thing as good ideas and bad ideas. There are only your own ideas and other people's. If you want someone to like your idea, tell him he said it first last week and you just remembered it.
SCOTT ADAMS
Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!
The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don't mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change; that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.
SCOTT ADAMS
God's Debris: A Thought Experiment
Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.
SCOTT ADAMS
God's Debris: A Thought Experiment
I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.
SCOTT ADAMS
Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!
Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.
SCOTT ADAMS
Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!
The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that maximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.
SCOTT ADAMS
The Dilbert Principle
I asked how many guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95 percent of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5 percent expressed a strong preference for lying.
SCOTT ADAMS
Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!
Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
SCOTT ADAMS
The Dilbert Principle
The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to truth.
SCOTT ADAMS
God's Debris: A Thought Experiment
As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
SCOTT ADAMS
Thriving on Vague Objectives
The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.
SCOTT ADAMS
Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes big round numbers.
SCOTT ADAMS
Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!
The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction, I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.
SCOTT ADAMS
Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!
The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.
SCOTT ADAMS
Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland
Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.
SCOTT ADAMS
"An Interview with Scott Adams", Moneywatch, October 4, 2008
God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.
SCOTT ADAMS
Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
SCOTT ADAMS
attributed, Laugh Off: The Comedy Showdown Between Real Life and the Pros
Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve.
SCOTT ADAMS
Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland